Written the morning of 6/25/14. 

I haven’t blogged in a while.  I apologize to you, my followers.  My worlds have collided and I have been very busy.

You see, my mother was taken to the ER on May 23, 2014, in the evening.  She had fallen against my dad, he lowered her to the ground, but then couldn’t get her up.  He called 911.

When you go to the ER, they look you all over.  I showed up on Saturday morning to find my mother on oxygen, trying to breathe and basically out of her mind.  She was agitated to say the least and trying to get out of bed.

What would transpire over the next 4 weeks would have never been a thought in my mind. We went through possible kidney failure – luckily that has been corrected, a leaky heart valve, and lungs that have been damaged due to years of cigarette smoking.

Last Friday, her Oxygen saturation levels went down considerably.  Now, instead of a Bi-pap mask on only at night, it has been continuous.  From joking around with me and telling the nurses stories of past escapades – to having a mask on and basically sleeping.  It was like flipping a switch.

Now we are faced with those difficult decisions in life.  Wow.  I thought I would have more time.  I really did.  I guess everyone does.  I wanted so much more for her, but it’s not up to me.

I talked to my parents just about every day.  I told them that I loved them.  We were always brutally honest with each other and our “Circle of Trust” was a safe zone.  Be who you are and we love you anyway.  I find that I am in what I told the nurses as ‘business mode’.  I need to do the right thing and get it done.  After that, it’s one big PITY PARTY.

I’m thankful that I have had her this long in my life.  There are many that have not been as fortunate.  I am thankful that this only lasted a month and it was only truly bad for less than a week.  Had she bounced back from this, she would have always teetered on the edge of where she is now – even the smallest infection could put her in the hospital.  That is not living, either.

I leave this blog post on that note until I can come back and write more later…

After the initial writing of this post, my mother passed away that evening.  I will be sharing stories to help celebrate her life.  It is still very fresh, but I hope that through the power of writing and sharing, I can find a little comfort.  It is interesting why you do things sometimes – like this blog post that I wrote in March, thanking my parents.  I’m so glad that I did!